melanie

 

I know who I am.

As easy and as difficult as that is to do

I know who I am.


I know that I am as attracted to her as I am to him.

I still hide myself away from everyone

though I know this to be true.

I avoid eye contact because I fear being questioned.

I fear having to admit things

that I know within myself to be true

to others who know nothing at all about me.

I control the conversations we have

to direct the attention away from me to them.

It is because I know who I am that I do these things.

I catch myself almost revealing who I am, and I stop.

I swallow my truth and I keep it deep within myself

as if it attempts to escape me.

I fear giving myself to everyone I meet.

As if I lose myself when I share my soul with others.

I almost escape myself.

It is because of this fear that I do not live.

I fear having to explain the complexity of who I am.

I know everything about myself, yet I know absolutely nothing at all.

I am who I know myself to be.


 

I am a student at California State University Long Beach. I write as a form of self expression which helps relieve my mind from anxious thoughts regarding my identity and the influence of external societal pressures.